Wednesday, April 29, 2009

A Little Humor is Needed - I am so there!!!


I was checking cruise lines because I heard the rates are very cheap right now.

Look what I found. A Somali cruise package that departs from Sawakin (in the Sudan ) and docks at Bagamoya (in Tanzania ).

The cost is a bit high, but I didn't find that offensive. What was encouraging and enlightened is that the cruise encourages people to bring their 'high powered weapons' along on the cruise. If you don't have weapons you can rent them right there on the boat. They claim to have a master gunsmith on board and will have reloading parties every afternoon. The cruise lasts from 4-8 days and nights and costs a maximum of $3200 per person double occupancy (4 days). All the boat does is sail up and down the coast of Somalia waiting to get hijacked by pirates. Here are some of the costs and claims associated with the package.

* $800.00 US/per day double occupancy (4 day max billing)
* M-16 full auto rental $25.00/day. Ammo: 100 rounds of 5.56 armor piercing at $15.95
* Ak-47 rifle @ no charge. Ammo: 100 rounds of 7.62 com block ball at $14.95
* Barretta M-107 50 cal sniper riffle rental $55.00/day. Ammo: 25 rounds 50 cal armor piercing at $9.95
* Crew members will double as spotters for $30.00 per hour (spotting scope included).
* RPG's are available at 75 bucks, and 200 dollars for 3 standard loads

"Everyone gets use of free complimentary night vision equipment and coffee and snacks on the top deck from 7 PM - 6 AM."

Meals are not included but are priced reasonably. Most cruises offer a mini-bar

Plus, these gung-ho entrepreneurs offer......... get this..... "MOUNTED MINIGUN @ $450.00 per 30 seconds of sustained fire"

I'm calling my travel agent right away!

They advertise group rates and corporate discounts...... and claim "FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY", with a partial money back if not’s some text from the ad.

"We guarantee that you will experience at least two hijacking attempts by pirates, or we will refund half your money back including gun rental charges and any unused ammo (mini gun charges not included).. How can we guarantee you will experience a hijacking? We operate at 5 knots within 12 miles of the coast of Somalia. If an attempted hijacking does not occur, we will turn the boat around and cruise by at 4 knots. We will repeat this for up to 8 days making three passes a day along the entire length of Somalia . At night the boat is fully lit and bottle rockets are shot off at intervals with loud disco music beamed shore side to attract attention. Cabin space is limited so respond quickly. Reserve your package before May 29 and get 100 rounds of free tracer ammo in the caliber of your choice."

Plus if all that isn't enough to whet your appetite, here are a few testimonials from satisfied customers.

“I got three confirmed kills on my first trip. I'll never hunt big game in Africa again. I felt like the Komandant in Schindlers list!”---- Bernhardt -- Munich, Germany

"Six attacks in 4 days was more than I expected. I bagged three pirates, and my 12 yr old son sank two rowboats with the minigun. PIRATES 0 - PASSENGERS 32! Well worth the price. Just make sure your spotter speaks English" -- Ned, Salt Lake City, Utah

"I haven't had this much fun since flying choppers in NAM . Don’t worry about getting shot by pirates as they never even got close to the ship with the weapons they use, plus their shitty aim--reminds me of a drunken 'juicer' door gunner we picked up from the motor pool back in Nam" -- 'Chopper' Dan ----Toledo, OH.

"Like ducks in a barrel. The crew turned the ship around and we saw the pirates bleed and cry in the water like little girls. Saw one wounded pirate eaten by sharks--what a laugh riot!! This is a must do.--- Zeke Minnahaw -- Booneville, Kentucky

Finally, someone had the common sense to cash in AND solve a major problem. These folks deserve a medal!


HermitJim said...

That's pretty good, I have to admit!

Shy Wolf said...

Where's the dotted line? Dang, that could be fun and I'm in dire need of a vacation.
This is the kind of thing the shipping companies really need, I think. Heck, even the container ships could advertise such a cruise, complete with entertainment watching the crew do its daily thing.

Kymber said...

thanks for a good chuckle on a very long and trying day...but heck...maybe we should start our own "Preppers" cruises down the coast of Somalia...bahahaha!

Bitmap said...

Do they have a taxidermist on staff?

Mayberry said...

Now THAT'S what I'm talkin' about! Just more proof that entrepeneurs come up with WAY better solutions than governments do.... Wish I could afford to go....

Survivalist said...

Very good article. I always say you have to have humor in light of diversity.


Grits said...

yeah...but does the pool have a slide?

erniesjourney said...

ROTFLMAO! Thanks for that - we should all go - maybe we can get a group rate??

Cygnus MacLlyr said...

I'm in the WRONG BIDNETH...